Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
