My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
