I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
