i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
