i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
