Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
