I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
