Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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