You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
