Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
