I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
