I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
