Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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