Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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