So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
