My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
