he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
