Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
