Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
