I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
