I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
