The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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