I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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