Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
