Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
