I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A+ Viking dick
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
