So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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