I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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