You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
