My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
