: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I CAN MOONWALK!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
