my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
