Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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