You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
