My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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