went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
