I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
