Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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