so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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