You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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