One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
