i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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