I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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