Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
