I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
