C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
