I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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