i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
