How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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