I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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